My Presidental Platform

My Economic Plan

With the threat of government shutdowns every three months, there is a real need for a new economic plan.
First, it is Congress’s responsibility to create and pass a balanced budget. If they cannot do so, then they do not get paid. It’s simple; they haven’t done their job, so they don’t get paid.
Second, Congress will start a new pay scale. It’s called the federal minimum wage. Furthermore, they are paid by the hour and only for the time they spend in their offices in Washington D.C. Everyone knows their staff do the real work anyways.
Next, all members of Congress, including those who have already retired, will be placed on a new retirement system called Social Security. Furthermore, their new health care plan is Medicare. Most of the members of Congress are multi-millionaires, so they don’t need the American public paying for their retirement or health care.
The final piece of my economic plan is to make Donald Trump pay all of his back income taxes. I don’t understand how a person can declare bankruptcy four times and still remain a billionaire unless he cheated on all of his taxes.
Of course, if anyone has any other ideas, I would love to hear them.

My qualifications for being president

Many question my qualifications for becoming president of the United States. Let me state why I would be a good president.

First of all, I am mentally unbalance and totally clueless, which seem to be the most common characteristic of our politicians in Washington DC. They have no idea what the average individual’s life is really like. They actually believe the average income in the U.S. is more than one hundred thousand dollars. And yet, they are against raising the minimum wage.

My second qualification is I am poor at math. This is important because it’s the only way anyone can believe our politicians are working to take care of us. They keep telling us inflation is only ten percent and yet the price of a dozen eggs now costs three times they did two years ago. Only a person who can’t do math would believe our congressional leaders.

My last qualification is I believe cartoons are more accurate than the news. We’ve been told that Donald Trump is going to be arrested for months. The cartoons had him in convicted and in jail weeks ago. Obviously, they knew what was going to happen long before the real world did.

Remember, I’m returning common sense to the government, which scares the crap out of Washington DC.

Since I’ve announced my running for president, many have asked what are my qualifications. They are I’m mentally unbalanced and totally clueless. This means I will fit in quite well with the rest of our government officials. A vote for me is a vote for an administration that is completely unproductive, totally crazy, and very amusing. Remember me in November 2024.

Financing my presidential campaign is off to a great start. I got my royalty check for the books I sold in 2022. With the $11.41 and the pennies I found in Walmart parking lot, I was able to get an advertising spot on Barfing Bill’s Bagel Bakery Show. It will air at 2:36 a.m. on April 31st. on WTIP, which stands for “Where Is This Place. Mark your calendars and vote for me in November 2024.